


I want your midnights

by raisedtokeepquiet



Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF, Festival di Sanremo RPF
Genre: Confessions, M/M, New Year's Day, New Year's Eve, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 08:29:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17260931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raisedtokeepquiet/pseuds/raisedtokeepquiet
Summary: Fabrizio is giving his yearly NYE party. This year there is a new guest, because he made a new friend. Ermal. But he wishes they would be so much more than friends. Is that even possible?





	I want your midnights

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little story I started back in October, when I listened to Taylor Swift's New Year's Day and got inspired. I forgot about it until yesterday, and decided to finish it today. It's in no way related to the Capodanno concert we saw yesterday, but still a cute Metamoro story. I hope you enjoy please leave a comment, and most importantly, I hope you have a great 2019!

Fabrizio was throwing his New Year’s Eve party. Of course he did, it had become a tradition, of sorts. Family and friends, everyone was there. Right now, it was still relatively early in the evening. Anita had been put to bed for a nap and Libero was playing on the floor, everyone else was either lounging on the sofas or standing around, chatting to each other with a drink in their hands.

Fabrizio looked around the room again, his heart filling with warmth to see all these people here, all these people he loved most, having a good time, in a way because of him. They wanted to be here, they liked to be here, with each other, with him. Really, in his life he had so much, so many people, to be thankful for. And he was.

Suddenly he paused his surveying of the room. Something was wrong. Someone was missing. He looked around again for that familiar head of curls, but didn’t see it. He checked his watch, it was only eleven. Surely Ermal hadn’t left yet? Fabrizio wandered around the room, trying like he wasn’t looking for one person in particular. Of course, he couldn’t fool Giada.

“Lost someone?” 

“Have you seen Ermal?” 

Fabrizio ignored the look she sent him when he mentioned Ermal’s name, and just hoped she would answer.

“Maybe he’s in the kitchen, did you check there yet?” 

Fabrizio hadn’t, so he made his way of there, only to find it empty too. Well, not empty, some of his friends were rummaging through the fridge, but it was empty of the one person who counted right now. Fabrizio tried to suppress that thought, he shouldn’t think like that, like Ermal was more important than anyone else here, he was just a friend, after all. But he  _ was  _ more important than anyone else, even if he didn’t actually know that, even if Fabrizio wouldn’t tell him, because why ruin everything they had?

Fabrizio circled the rooms, but didn’t see Ermal. He wasn’t in the kitchen, not in the living room, not in the dining room slash playroom for the children… He was not in the bathroom, as Fabrizio saw Roberto disappear through that door. So where was he? Not anywhere downstairs. Surely not outside, as it had begun to rain a bit. Had he left after all? Maybe he didn’t feel comfortable surrounded by Fabrizio’s family and friends as he was. Sure, he had met most of them before a few times, some, such as Andrea or the band, a lot, but still, in essence they were all  _ Fabrizio’s _ people, and what if he just felt out of place or alone?

In slight desperation, Fabrizio made his way upstairs. That part of the house was technically off limits for his guests, except for the ones who were going to stay the night, and Ermal was in fact one of those. Fabrizio checked the rooms, one by one. The guest room, the children’s bedrooms, the bathroom, his room, even. No Ermal. 

There was one more room to check, the studio, but surely he wouldn’t be there either, why would he? Slowly, Fabrizio opened the door, surprised to find the light on, and there, in his desk chair, swiveling around, was Ermal.

He had his back towards the door, which Fabrizio was rather grateful to, it gave him some time to compose himself, to push down those feelings of relief and happiness and love, and put a more neutral expression on his face. He stood there, waiting to be noticed, not wanting to interrupt. Because Ermal was on his phone, talking in Albanian. 

Family, then. 

What if he had rather spent his New Year’s Eve with family? Suddenly, another thought struck Fabrizio. In Albania, wasn’t it tradition to celebrate the holidays at New Year’s? Celebrate with family? And here he was, taking Ermal away from his family, from the people closest to him… Why hadn’t he thought of this when he invited Ermal?

Ermal was still swiveling in the chair, now making a full circle, but he abruptly paused when he saw Fabrizio. Fabrizio mouthed a “Sorry!” and turned to go, to give Ermal his privacy. Just before he did so though, he saw Ermal waving and telling him “Wait!”.

So Fabrizio did, he waited, a bit awkwardly, leaning against the wall. He had closed the door, and now tried to look anywhere but at Ermal, because he would just be staring, while listening to those unfamiliar Albanian sounds, spoken in that familiar voice. It was a strange combination, but he liked listening to it. It was different when Ermal spoke English, because then Fabrizio at least could understand a word here and there. Now he understood nothing, nothing at all.

Finally, Ermal finished the call and put his phone down, and looked at Fabrizio. Fabrizio couldn’t really read the expression in his eyes, and wondered if Ermal was upset for being interrupted, for being bothered when he needed some time on his own… But then, he’d asked him to wait, hadn’t he? That was a good sign, surely.

“I’m sorry, I just got a bit… worried, when I didn’t see you, and I went to look for you,” Fabrizio tried to explain, not sure how to get into the whole realization of “I should have let you celebrate with your family, I have no right to your time like this”.

Ermal just put a soft smile on his face, and replied, “That’s okay, I just needed to find a quiet place to call my grandmother, and wish her a happy New year.” 

“Oh, right, the time difference*, I forgot,” Fabrizio mumbled, mentally cursing himself for the sheer amount of things he  _ forgot _ about Ermal, the things he had ignored, because to him, it had just mattered that Ermal had said yes, was here at the party, with him. He should have asked more, talked to him more, made sure he didn’t have any other places to be.

“Did you need me for anything in particular?” Ermal asked, while he got up.

“Oh, no,” Fabrizio hastened to answer, “I just didn’t see you and was afraid that maybe you’d left…” 

That only resulted in a weird look from Ermal.

“Why would I leave? It’s not even midnight yet.” 

“No, I don’t know, I just thought, well, maybe you didn’t want to be here.” 

“Of course I want to be here! Come, shouldn’t we go back? And maybe wake Anita, it’s getting close to midnight now.” 

Fabrizio checked his watch, and yes, time had passed surprisingly quickly, and it was really time to go back to the party. People might be wondering where he was. Well, as Ermal said, it was a good time to wake Anita, so she could enjoy the celebration at midnight and the fireworks over the city. 

“You’re right, I’ll get Anita. I’ll see you downstairs,” Fabrizio told Ermal, as he made his way to Anita’s room. For a second, it looked as if Ermal hesitated, wanted to say something, but he didn’t, and just nodded and went downstairs. Fabrizio watched him go, trying not to let his mind get caught up too much in dreams where this would be something he could always have, Ermal reminding him to wake up Anita. Not at New Year’s Eve, but maybe in the morning, for breakfast. Breakfast all together. With Libero and Antia. With Ermal.

He shook his head, he would not have that and he shouldn’t think about it. It wouldn’t change it, and if anything only make it worse. So he just woke up Anita, gently, though she was awake and excited very quickly when she remembered the fireworks that would light up the sky in just a short while.

He carried her downstairs, where he found the party still going strong, it seemed he hadn’t been missed that much, apparently. Well, except for Giada, who sent him some inquisitive looks. He ignored her, she knew more than she should already. Another person who had seemed to miss him was Libero, who came up to him and hugged him and asked how long it was till midnight.

“Just ten minutes left, Lib. Come, we’ll go to the living room so we can see the countdown on TV.” 

Other people had the same idea, but, after all, it was Fabrizio’s house, and he had the children, so they gladly made space for him on the couch. Romina and Claudio had meanwhile started to hand out glasses of prosecco to the adults, and glasses of the sparkly Frozen-drink Anita had begged for to the children.

Time seemed to speed up, and before Fabrizio knew it the clock struck midnight and another year had begun. First he hugged and kissed his children to wish them a happy new year, briefly wondering how time went by so fast, in general. They grew up so fast. Then he let them go to find their mother, their aunt, their uncle. Fabrizio looked around him at all the people hugging and smiling and drinking, looking for someone to hug next and wish a happy new year. 

He wasn’t looking for anyone in particular, he wasn’t, he just wanted to be a part of it all, instead of looking on from the middle. He wasn’t looking for anyone in particular, but his heart might have skipped a beat when the first person whose gaze he met was Ermal. Of course it was Ermal. Fabrizio stepped through the people towards him.

“Happy new year!” he said, “I hope it will be an amazing year!” 

He hugged Ermal, one of those warm, safe hugs, and couldn’t help but think that this was a good start of the new year. They didn’t say much more, just exchanged partners, to wish more people in the room a good new year. 

Especially Fabrizio, being the host as he was, was in popular demand. After his worries earlier in the evening, worries of Ermal not fitting in, he tried to keep an eye on him, just to see if he found people to talk to, to laugh to. And it seemed he did. Through hugs and well wishes and toasts, Fabrizio saw Ermal do the same, part of the group just as much as he was. 

When he had made his round through the room, everyone put on coats to go outside, glasses in their hands. Luckily, the rain had let up, and even the clouds had partially disappeared to show some sky dotted by stars. They admired the fireworks in the sky, smiled at Libero and Anita setting of sparklers, and greeted the neighbours.

Somehow, after a time of this, Fabrizio found himself next to Ermal, both of them staring up at the fireworks.

“Did you know you can make a wish at the fireworks on New Year’s Eve?” Ermal asked him, with a quick glance at his face, before turning back to the exploding colours in the sky.

Fabrizio shook his head, but then added softly, “There’s sure a wish I’d like to make.”

“Yeah, me too,” came the response, even softer, no more than a sigh. Ermal’s voice was almost drowned out by the noise around them. Almost, were it not for how much Fabrizio was tuned into that exact sound. 

“Tell me yours?” Fabrizio asked, eyes focused on Ermal’s, watching the lights dance in them.

“No, or it won’t come true,” Ermal told him, smiling now, “Can’t have that, now, can we?”

Fabrizio smiled back, of course he did. “Fair point. I won’t tell you mine then. I want it too much to be real.”

They nodded to each other, and moved on again, joining the others at the party. Fabrizio went to check up on Anita and Libero, who did seem tired, but not so tired that they would gladly go to bed yet. So he tugged their scarves a bit tighter around their necks, gave them another sparkler, and told them he loved them one more time. 

Like earlier in the evening, Fabrizio surveyed the people around him and nodded to himself. Yes, this was a good way of ending a year and starting another, surrounded by the people who meant the most to him. He smiled, as another round of fireworks exploded in the air.

-XXX-XXX-XXX-

Some people had left already in the night, after the clocks struck midnight. Some stayed over, there were enough beds available to the guests to not make that a problem at all. It was a bit past noon now, and Fabrizio had just padded downstairs to inspect the remains that the party had left downstairs. 

Giada was at the table, having breakfast or lunch, or whatever a first meal at this time should be called, Anita and Libero around her. Claudio was standing at the kitchen counter, nursing a cup of coffee and looking at the food with a doubtful look on his face. Fabrizio smiled. At these New Year’s Eve parties, people knew breakfast was there if they wanted it, at the time they wanted it. Some had to leave earlier, some later. Some didn’t want breakfast at all, and this just made it easier, and gave Fabrizio a chance to sleep in too.

“Good morning,” he greeted the people in the room, and after a hug and kiss for both his children, he poured a cup of coffee for himself.

“We’re leaving soon, just finishing breakfast,” Giada told him, and Fabrizio nodded. She usually took the children to visit her family on the first day of the new year, that too, was a tradition of sorts. 

“Andrea and his family left about half an hour ago, they asked me to thank you for the party,” Giada continued, and then put the last bit of her croissant into her mouth. When she finished chewing, she added, “As far as I know, Romina is still asleep.”

“And Filippo left last night, yes. Do you know where Roberto is?”

“Also just left, had another thing planned,” Claudio supplied, and winced slightly, as if the sound coming from his own mouth was a little too loud to be comfortable.

That left one more person that had to be accounted for, one more question to ask, one Fabrizio had wanted to ask earlier, but hadn’t. He was keeping up pretenses there was not a certain man constantly on his mind, though he knew he wasn’t fooling Giada. The slight skewed smile she sent in his direction told him more than enough. 

There was another reason he hadn’t asked yet, though. He hadn’t seen Ermal again last night, after putting both children to bed, and then going to sleep himself, as the party had pretty much died down at that point. He had no idea if Ermal had left last night, or if he had stayed over but left earlier, or if he was still around.

Not meeting Giada’s eyes, he finally opened his mouth, finally started that question. “And -”

Started it, but didn’t finish it, because Ermal just walked into the kitchen, hair put into a messy half-bun that only partially disguised how sleep had tangled his curls, still in his pyjamas.

“Good morning! Romina beat me to the shower, but she told me there’s breakfast here. And coffee, more importantly,” he said, looking around the kitchen. He seemed confident and in his place here, but Fabrizio noticed how he ran his hands through his remaining hair, a sign that he wasn’t totally comfortable.

So Fabrizio handed him the cup he had just poured, taking another one to fill for himself. Ermal went to stand next to him, leaning against the fridge and with his hands wrapped around the mug.

“Thanks,” he muttered, nodding at the cup and smiling at Fabrizio, who nodded and smiled back, almost on autopilot. It was hard to do anything else, it was already hard to do that little, because what he wanted to do was just stare at Ermal, get lost into hopeless fantasies that this was something he could look at every day, what he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Ermal and pull him close and - 

“Fabrizio, can you keep an eye on Anita and Libero? I’ll just quickly pack their stuff, and then we’re leaving.”

Giada’s voice pulled him back to the present, and Fabrizio briefly closed his eyes to compose himself. When he opened them again, he found Giada still looking at him, a look that told him she knew what she had saved him from. He nodded at her, gratefully.

“Of course,” he just said, happy to find his voice still working properly.

Claudio had in the meanwhile finished his coffee, and put the cup in the sink.

“I’ll also check if I have everything, Giada is giving me a lift,” he explained, and disappeared up the stairs too.

Fabrizio focused on Libero and Anita, taking Giada’s place at the table. He didn’t want to ignore Ermal like this, of course he didn’t, but he didn’t know how to not mess it up if he would look at him again, talk to him again. Ermal didn’t seem to notice, though, luckily, as he took a plate and some toast for his breakfast. When he took a seat on the opposite table, Fabrizio was lost, because he couldn’t help but look. And think. And dream.

This, right here, was a family breakfast, like he had thought of in that last hour of the previous year. Of course it wasn’t real, it was just the aftermath of a party, but he could  _ pretend _ it was real, just for a little bit. He knew so very well that Ermal would leave soon, follow the other guests to other parties, other people, but for a minute he had this.

Indeed, it was just a minute, because Giada was back, some bags in her hand.

“Come on, Libero, Anita, say goodbye to papa and Ermal, and then we’ll go!”

The children did as she asked, and before he knew it, they had left, as had Giada and Claudio. That left him with just Ermal at the table, but to his relief, Fabrizio managed to keep a short conversation going about the party. Finally, he was saved by his little sister.

“The bathroom’s yours now, sorry Ermal,” she said, coming into the room and sitting down at the table with a plate with a croissant.

Ermal nodded at her, and then went upstairs. Fabrizio let out a sigh he hadn’t know he had been holding. He could be alone with Ermal and function, usually, it was not a problem. Just this morning, after his thoughts of last night, after that wish he made, with Ermal looking the way he did… It made it difficult. But he would be fine, if only he had a chance to gather his thoughts and compose himself. Soon, everyone would have left, and he would have a chance to sort through the mess in his head while dealing with the mess in his house.

Fabrizio got up to boil some water for his sister’s tea - he was well aware of her troublesome relationship with coffee - and put the cup next to her.

“Thanks, Fab. Nice party you had last night.”

Fabrizio smiled at her. 

“Same old, same old, isn’t it?”

“Well, something was new this year. Or rather,  _ someone _ ,” Romina said, a smile on her face that Fabrizio didn’t quite like.

“Hmm,” he answered.

“Is he going to stay?”

Fabrizio felt a blush creep up his cheeks. “I have no idea what you mean by that. Did you talk to Giada? I swear the two of you are going to be my end.”

Romina looked up at him.

“I didn’t talk to her, no. Should I? Does she know something? I’ll call her later!”

Fabrizio groaned and put his head in his hands. Really, what had he done to deserve an ex-girlfriend and a sister like these? Besides, he really had no idea what information Romina was after with her question. Was Ermal going to stay, so that he was still around by the end of the year, at another party? Hopefully, yes. Was he going to stay today? No, not as far as Fabrizio knew. Surely he had other plans. Was Ermal going to  _ stay _ ? Well… He wished he would.

He was roused from those thoughts by Romina, who ruffled gently through his hair.

“I’m sure it will be alright, Fabri. Why don’t you talk to him?”

She took a last sip of her tea and put her breakfast stuff in the sink. Then she checked the time.

“Oh, I gotta go, I’m meeting my friends soon. I’ll just get my stuff and be out of your way. Thanks again for organising this, Fabri!”

Fabrizio smiled at her retreating back, and heard her stumble up the stairs, to come back down again not much later.

“Bye, Fabri!” she called out, before the door fell shut behind her.

Fabrizio sighed once, twice. That left Ermal, and a mess of a house. The kitchen wasn’t too bad, besides the breakfast items of today, there were empty plates from the snacks last night, empty glasses and some bottles. He hadn’t been to the living room yet, though, and from memory he knew that that was usually a bigger battle field. He had all day, though. Maybe he would call some friends and family to wish them a happy new year, or visit some neighbours he hadn’t seen last night, but usually the first day of the year was spent cleaning. He didn’t really mind it, usually. Not that it was fun, but it did give him time to overthink the year that had past, and the one to come. He wasn’t one for making resolutions, but he could make plans and goals. He had hopes, dreams.

He very much had those.

Fabrizio started packing the dishwasher, giving some of the plates a quick rinse, and turned the machine on when it was full. Then he tidied and cleaned a bit more, just to get the first room as clean as it could be now, before moving on to the rest of the house. Lost in the monotonous task and his thoughts as he was, he was rather startled by a sudden presence in the kitchen.

“These are all the plates from the other rooms,” Ermal said, putting a stack of them on the table. “I’ll get the glasses and bottles and things.”

Fabrizio tore himself loose from the image Ermal made, with his hair freshly washed and blow-dried, and shook his head.

“No, no, you don’t have to help! You’re a guest I just-  I just got started.”

“But Bizio, together it will be done faster, it’s no trouble!”

Before Fabrizio could say anything else, Ermal had disappeared again from the room, and he was left staring at the stack of plates, with that word, that nickname, that special nickname echoing through his head.

And that’s how they continued, cleaning up together. They got all the glasses, collected all the bottles, vacuumed the floors and mopped the tiles, until it was all as clean, or cleaner even than before the party.

“Thank you so much,” Fabrizio told Ermal, as they sat on the couch together, sipping the sparkly soft drink he had bought for the children. They’d discovered over half a bottle still left, and it seemed a shame to waste it.

“It wasn’t a problem, really.”

They sat there, in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Fabrizio didn’t know what was on Ermal’s mind, but he couldn’t get those words Romina said earlier out of his head.  _ Talk to him _ . And wasn’t this the perfect time?

Of course, the chance of ruining what they had was still there, it hadn’t become smaller at all, and it would set him up for absolutely the worst year in a long time, but the other option was another year like the last few months. A year of hiding his feelings, of pretending everything was as it had always had been, a year of trying to function normally around Ermal, something that would just get harder and harder.

“Ermal? I was thinking of something you said last night.”

That earned him Ermal’s attention.

“Something I said?”

Bravely, Fabrizio took a breath, and fixed his eyes on the branches of the trees moving in the breeze outside.

“About the wishes we made, on the fireworks. What if… What if saying them out loud  _ does  _ make them true?”

Fabrizio could feel Ermal’s eyes on him.

“How do you mean?”

“You said that telling them to someone makes that they won’t come true… But what if that is exactly what’s necessary?”

“What did you wish for, Fabrizio?” came a soft reply, and something in Ermal’s voice gave him the last little bit of courage he needed.

“My wish… I told you that I want it to be real. I want it to be real, because right now, all I have are dreams and hopes and make believe. Right now, all I have is our friendship, when I wished it would be so much more than that. Even just this morning, I wished we would have mornings like that, breakfast together, every day. I wished I could - I could put my arms around you, pull you close to me… Kiss you.” Fabrizio closed his eyes, speaking these words out loud was so much more difficult than he had imagined it would be - not that he had imagined that part a lot, he had mostly focused on those things he was describing. He took a shuddering breath, and then continued. “Those are the things I wished for, also last night. Those things are what I want to be real. What I want so badly to be  _ real _ .”

He opened his eyes again, still staring at the landscape outside, waiting for Ermal’s response, but it took some time coming, time that felt like centuries to Fabrizio’s mind. Finally, Ermal started speaking. Fabrizio wasn’t quite sure what he expected Ermal’s answer to be, but the question he asked wasn’t it.

“Do you know what I wished for?”

Fabrizio just shook his head, in this moment he couldn’t do anything else.

“I wished that this year I would have the courage to tell someone close to me something important.”

“Oh?” Fabrizio managed, though he wasn’t sure  _ how _ .

“Yes. So, I guess you’re right. I guess speaking the wish makes it come true. Because this is me telling you something important.” Ermal paused briefly to swallow, giving Fabrizio some time to process this. “ _ You _ are important to me. Very important. Bizio, I’ve been wanting to tell you something for… well, a good few weeks now, if not longer. And the ironic thing is, I have struggled for so long finding the right words for it. And here you are, with exactly the words I wish I had found earlier. Because what you described just now, that’s what I want, too. I want to share your mornings, your afternoons, your evenings. Your midnights, and not just the special ones like last night. I want you, all of you, all the time.”

Fabrizio finally stopped looking at the trees, and turned to Ermal. He wasn’t quite prepared for the intense look he found there.

“Bizio, we can make those wishes of yours real,” Ermal whispered, but the sound reached Fabri as if he was speaking normally.

“We can?” Fabrizio replied, and it sounded like a question, even though it wasn’t, not really, because meeting Ermal’s eyes had already given him all the answers he was looking for.

“Yes,” Ermal said only, before he closed the distance between them, and Fabrizio felt Ermal’s lips on his, like he imagined it so many times before, but now it was  _ real _ . They broke apart, for air, smiling, and Fabrizio pressed their foreheads together.

“Please stay?’

“I’ll be here 365 days a year if you want me.”

“No, that won’t do,” Fabrizio said teasingly, a smile starting on his lips, a smile that told Ermal exactly how serious he was. He only sent him a look in return until Fabrizio explained himself.

“What if it’s a leap year? I can’t miss you for a whole day!”

“Stronzo,” Ermal told him, and gave him a playful push. Fabrizio let himself fall back on the couch, but not before taking his revenge and pulling Ermal down with him.

“Oh, I see how it is,” he said, looking down on Fabrizio with an evil smile on his face.

“God, stop that and kiss me,” Fabrizio said, trying to pull Ermal’s face down.

“Gladly,” Ermal smiled, a soft smile now, a smile that sent the butterflies in Fabrizio’s stomach in disarray, and then leaned down for another kiss.

This truly was a good start of the year.

 

**Author's Note:**

> * If you think “Wait, Albania doesn’t have a time difference with Italy, right?”, yes, you’re right, it doesn’t. I just needed this moment to happen, so for this night, Albania moved a bit more east and changed time zones. Sorry Albania.


End file.
